Dr. Kenneth N. Condrell, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist
When it comes to getting a child to behave, there is
probably no more challenging period for parents than the toddler years.
Why is that so? Just look at the characteristics that define this age group.
1) Toddlers are stubborn. They want to show you they’re no longer babies.
2) They have no conscience.
3) They live by the following principle: If it is fun and it feels good, I want
to do it.
4) They lack good judgment. They can’t anticipate how their behaviour will get
them into trouble or into a dangerous situation.
5) They’re filled with enthusiasm to explore the world.
6) They’re self-centreed. They want what they want when they want it.
7) They have little tolerance for frustration.
8) They have very little self-control.
Because of these eight characteristics, parents must exercise a great deal of
patience when trying to teach their little ones how to behave. Below, I offer
tips on managing two common toddler misbehavior, hitting and screaming.
HOW TO HANDLE SCREAMING
Toddlers scream when they’re happy, and they scream when they’re frustrated.
When they do it in public it often startles people around them, and embarrasses
their parents. So, what do you do? There are several options.
- Ignore
the screaming and allow the habit to run its natural course. Many toddler
habits disappear as suddenly as they appeared.
- Teach
your child how to control the intensity of his voice. To do this, make a
game out of whispering. First, you whisper. Then encourage your child to
whisper. This teaches him how to purposely raise and lower his voice. Play
the game several times during the week. Make it fun to keep your toddler’s
attention.
- Teach
your child the difference between an “inside” and an “outside” voice. Take
him outside and encourage him to shout. Label this his “outside” voice.
Once inside, demonstrate how an inside voice sounds. Once your toddler
learns the difference, he has a better chance of listening to you and
asserting some control. By the time he’s 2½ he will have an easier time
responding to you when you tell him to use his inside voice.
- The
mument your toddler screams, walk away. Ignore him for a minute or two.
Then return to him and say, “If you don’t scream, we can play with your
trains” —or name another activity he would enjoy.
Whatever
technique you try, remember to avoid yelling back at your child. This only
makes things worse and prevents you from effectively teaching him not to
scream.
HOW TO HANDLE HITTING
- Whenever possible, intercept the hit before
it takes place. Reach out, stop your toddler in midair and sternly say, “No.”
Then, calmly remind him to be nice.
- The mument you see your child hitting, pick
him up and place him behind a gate. As you do this, say, “No, we don’t hit.” By
using a gate to separate the toddler from you and the child he hit, you make
the point that hitting is unacceptable. Then, give your attention to the child
who was hit while ignoring your toddler, even if he’s crying. After a couple of
minutes, pick up your toddler and ask, “Are you ready to be nice?” Take your
toddler over to the other child and say, “Now be nice and give your friend a
big hug.”
If your child hits, you must expect to take these steps a few times each day
for a couple of weeks until the message sinks in.
Good luck!
