Why do our sons get upset when my husband and I
cuddle?
Q:My
sons, ages 2 and 5½, don’t like it when mummy and daddy touch. Whether it be
kissing goodbye, hugging or just sitting close on the couch, they get mad if
they see us touching. The other night my 5½-year-old heard me come home from
work at midnight and immediately got in bed with daddy so there wasn’t room for
me. Lately, he has been getting up in the middle of the night and saying he
wants me to sleep with him. When I do, he puts his little arms around me,
getting as close as he can. Then when I move, he moves closer. I’m starting to
wonder if his behaviour is healthy. My husband thinks I should have a talk with
him, but I don't know what to say. Please help.
—
Submitted by Tonja in Columbus, Ohio
Dr.
Kenneth N. Condrell, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist
Child Psychologist
A:Children
between the ages of 3 and 6 struggle to learn a very important lesson: In
addition to being parents, mummy and daddy have a special relationship.
Children learn this over time, with their parents telling them, for example,
that they need a little “grown-up time.” And they learn it when the babysitter
arrives so their parents can go out as a couple.
Certainly you will spend time every day with your children. And there will be occasions when you snuggle together as a family. But you should make sure that you and your husband have private time together.
Of course, your kids want all the attention they can get, even if it means coming into your bed at night or coming between you and your husband when you hug. As loving parents, perhaps you have a hard time telling them, “No” and setting limits. If so, I suggest you about read my book “Wimpy Parenting From Toddler To Teen.” Good luck.
Certainly you will spend time every day with your children. And there will be occasions when you snuggle together as a family. But you should make sure that you and your husband have private time together.
Of course, your kids want all the attention they can get, even if it means coming into your bed at night or coming between you and your husband when you hug. As loving parents, perhaps you have a hard time telling them, “No” and setting limits. If so, I suggest you about read my book “Wimpy Parenting From Toddler To Teen.” Good luck.
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