What to do When Toddlers Hit and Scream

Dr. Kenneth N. Condrell, Ph.D.
Child Psychologist

When it comes to getting a child to behave, there is probably no more challenging period for parents than the toddler years.

Why is that so? Just look at the characteristics that define this age group.

1) Toddlers are stubborn. They want to show you they’re no longer babies.

2) They have no conscience.

3) They live by the following principle: If it is fun and it feels good, I want to do it.

4) They lack good judgment. They can’t anticipate how their behaviour will get them into trouble or into a dangerous situation.

5) They’re filled with enthusiasm to explore the world.

6) They’re self-centreed. They want what they want when they want it.

7) They have little tolerance for frustration.

8) They have very little self-control.

Because of these eight characteristics, parents must exercise a great deal of patience when trying to teach their little ones how to behave. Below, I offer tips on managing two common toddler misbehavior, hitting and screaming.

HOW TO HANDLE SCREAMING

Toddlers scream when they’re happy, and they scream when they’re frustrated. When they do it in public it often startles people around them, and embarrasses their parents. So, what do you do? There are several options.

• Ignore the screaming and allow the habit to run its natural course. Many toddler habits disappear as suddenly as they appeared.

• Teach your child how to control the intensity of his voice. To do this, make a game out of whispering. First, you whisper. Then encourage your child to whisper. This teaches him how to purposely raise and lower his voice. Play the game several times during the week. Make it fun to keep your toddler’s attention.

• Teach your child the difference between an “inside” and an “outside” voice. Take him outside and encourage him to shout. Label this his “outside” voice. Once inside, demonstrate how an inside voice sounds. Once your toddler learns the difference, he has a better chance of listening to you and asserting some control. By the time he’s 2½ he will have an easier time responding to you when you tell him to use his inside voice.

• The mument your toddler screams, walk away. Ignore him for a minute or two. Then return to him and say, “If you don’t scream, we can play with your trains” —or name another activity he would enjoy.

Whatever technique you try, remember to avoid yelling back at your child. This only makes things worse and prevents you from effectively teaching him not to scream.

HOW TO HANDLE HITTING

•  Whenever possible, intercept the hit before it takes place. Reach out, stop your toddler in midair and sternly say, “No.” Then, calmly remind him to be nice.

• The mument you see your child hitting, pick him up and place him behind a gate. As you do this, say, “No, we don’t hit.” By using a gate to separate the toddler from you and the child he hit, you make the point that hitting is unacceptable. Then, give your attention to the child who was hit while ignoring your toddler, even if he’s crying. After a couple of minutes, pick up your toddler and ask, “Are you ready to be nice?” Take your toddler over to the other child and say, “Now be nice and give your friend a big hug.”

If your child hits, you must expect to take these steps a few times each day for a couple of weeks until the message sinks in.

Good luck!